Pretty, fickle, shallow, bitchy, stubborn, desperate, needy, tactless, horny, witty, vain, camp, sweet, sharp, soft, chewy, fruity, sweet. Ryan is our main fag.

Long-suffering boyfriend of Ryan, Alex is pretty, but oblivious, somewhat subdued, and endlessly patient. Well... you'd have to be, wouldn't you.

Mother to Ryan, sister to Auntie Gill, thorny divorcee, Valentine Hunter has the body of a 16 year old. It cost her thousands and she means to use it.

Ryan's evil auntie and arch-nemesis. Frighteningly evil and clinically dead, Auntie Gill has mysteriously returned from the grave to wreak terrible vengeance on her nephew. And to sleep with men for money.

Auntie Gill's cute son and Ryan's cute cousin, Kieran's adorable charm seems irresistable. So much so that we rejected the convention of incest taboos in favour of some more graphic sex scenes.

Alex's little brother. Rex's hobbies include swearing, stealing and starting small fires. It is rumoured that he may secretly like boys, but it may have just been Ryan's overactive imagination.

Also known as Succubus or That Bitch From Work, Amanda uses her sexual powers to ensnare unwitting males in her clutches, and is currently shagging Six and lording it over Ryan.

The quintessential pretty-boy from work. Ryan lusts after Six despite his repeated requests that he go away and leave him alone. Not, apparently, a fan of boy-on-boy action.

The only survivor from the mysterious Night of the Picture People. The insane and murderous Mini-Kieran continually plots revenge on his alter-ego. Not bad for a man who lives in a hutch.

Embittered ex-lover of Alex, currently incarcerated for kidnap and attempted murder. But she is kind to animals and works with underprivileged kids.

Indiscriminate in his groping. Presumed gay, but the fact that he hasn't yet molested a girl doesn't necessarily mean that he'd rule it out.